Updated: Mar 9
I am in my first week of rehearsals here in Miami for my next contract on the Brilliance of the Seas! It’s been such a great few days so far. I’m getting to know my cast, getting to learn new music. I love walking around the corner and seeing that beautiful, giant blue Crown as I make my way to rehearsals. It makes my heart beat little faster!
What I don’t love is how hard I am on myself…
Let me tell you a little bit about my process of learning new material: I am a PERFECTIONIST. I will work for hours at a time on two measures of music that trip me up. It is probably not healthy or productive. I just get so embarrassed if I can’t get something right off the bat. Then I get in my head and fixate on the problem area and, it becomes hard for me to enjoy the process.
My Vocal Director said something to me that really hit me hard. He said, “You know that being too hard on yourself stands in the way of progressing”. I wanted to cry right there. He is unquestionably right!
How many times in life have I gotten in my own way because I was focusing on what I did wrong instead of what I’m doing so right? Singing, working out, judging myself because I’m not as skinny as the girl standing next to me… the list got bigger as I started to really think on my VD’s words. It hit me hard.
I just want to remind each of you (along with myself) that it’s okay to not be perfect at something, especially the first time around. Duh! That’s why we get to practice! I know I’ll get those hard licks in the score! Most of the time, I just need to move on to a different part for a minute, revisit, and it’s there. Working out? I am so much stronger than I was and I don’t struggle to breathe as much when I run or do cardio (like hiking half of Santorini! https://www.southernerabroad.com/post/santorini ). As for not being as thin as the girl next to me? I am built completely different! Ya girl’s got curves and that’s okay!
So then, why would I hold myself to an unattainable standard when I’m so patient with those around me? I rejoice with others when things come together and encourage them when they struggle. What makes me think it is okay to not show myself the same love?
I am so thankful for that reminder that there is beauty in the mess and that it’s okay to make those mistakes. Because, guess what? Everyone makes them!
Now, I’m working on taking a step back, taking a breath, and continuing on in the moment. Am I going to nail it right off the bat? Nope! But, I’m making progress and, just maybe, I’ll be able to get out of that head on mine one day.
Keep Growing, Y’all!